xeryfyn's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Importance of Naming So, now I am feeling as though I must write intellectually or at least somewhat comprehensively, rather than spewing out a daily litany of complaints and tribuations. Much luck to me, hahaha, it being a long weekend and many days off tends to stagnate the intellectualization process... Having said that, I have discovered my car's name: Franklin He is named for a children's literary figure, Franklin the turtle. I discovered that these characters- that is, the turtle and my car, and perhaps, unwittingly, myself- share a couple of characteristics: (1) COWARDLY COURAGE: an anomaly? Yes, of course, People are, by nature, contradictory, and I do not claim to be otherwise. Happy am I to belive that I can indeed exist in the realtive sanctity of humanity. (Wow, did that make any sense at all?) I enjoy challenging myself and putting my best (mostly) foot forward and dare to risk a great many things, including some sembalance of normalcy, in the pursuit of loftier goals. Such is also the case with the young Franklin, although to a milder extreme,and, as for my car, well, he sits on the curbside outside my door, waiting, in the dark, patiently, with no outward signs of couraget, solidly afraid of more damage inflicted by rotten hooligans, yet waiting for me still. (2) FEAR OF THE DARK: Having stated above that he waits patiently for me in the dark, you must understand that I KNOW he is afraid of the dark. When night falls, his turn signals refuse to work properly. The resort to a sickly hiccoughing mess until the break of day, upon which time, they appear normal and functioning perfectly. What auto-body shop is open at three in the morning to verify this phenomena? Yup, none. *sigh* Franklin, the turtle, is also afraid of the dark and, yes, ladies and gentlemen, I admit also, that I harbour a slight, yet unrelenting fear of dark places. Discovering the name of my car was sudden and uplifting, like coming home and finding a warm cup of tea/cocoa and cookies straight from the oven. A friend mentioned it to me as I was driving her home. It appeared in the car and floated through me for a moment. By the time I drove home I knew that it was right. When I met Dwayne, I felt as though my name could become inexplicably linked with his and be very comfortable doing so. And so it has come to pass, well, not completely, but hopefully soon. And when I come to name my children, I hope that I fall into the cradle of comfort knowing that I have selected a name strong enough to withstand history, human frailites or not. ------------------------------------------------------------------- "Get you baby a name that means something. A sturdy name. Strong name. Name that's gonna withstand a lot of bad times. A lot of hurt....See the name you pick out is gonna be with your baby when nothing else is. When nobody else is. 'Cause you ain't always gonna be there....Listen. you gonna die. But your name's not. No. it's gonna be written in omebody's Bible, printed in some newspaper. Cut into your gravestone. See, that name has a history...." "And home is the place where your history begins." she said softly "And that history is gonna be there when you are not." He turned his palms up, hands open...empty. He had given her all he could and she had taken it. (Excerpt from "Where the Heart Is" by Billie Letts - one of my favorite books BEFORE it landed on Oprah) --------------------------------------------------------------------- It doesn't surprise anyone, least of all me, that I have a sadly neurotic vehicle with a perchant for getting into trouble without having set out to cause or seek it out. Just like...me. So much for digging through the depths of intellectualization. 12:25 a.m. - 5/20/2001 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Settling back into home-mode Ahh, not being in transition is comforting and gratifying. My book friends are back on their respective bookshelves and I have my things basically where I want them. Although I am a terrible and slow packer, I unpack in a frenzy. I think it took 10 hours, all told, to put the whole apartment in livable order. God, I have a lot of crap. Oh well. I haven't talked to many of my friends since last Monday, after the whole birthday book fiasco. I heard that other people are peeved at her reaction to everything as well and that she is pissing a lot of people off over other things on top of that. But it doesn't make me feel better. In fact, losing a friend, a good friend, is not something I will rejoice over, no matter how retarded she can be sometimes. Sigh. High maintenance friends. But, I am choosing not to think about it at all right now. I am focusing all of my attention on this stupid job search and finding employment that utilizes more than one third of my brain. On the upside, I am no longer suffering from insomnia. But that has its draw backs too, for most of the writng I accomplish is late at night with no one around. Of course, early in the morning, such a right now, is also proving to be quite good for rambling. And, from my non-basement, big patio door window, I can see the sun come up and not feel bad that I have stayed up far too late once again. Dwayne's friend, Matt, with whom we lived for a week and a half, has invited us to Yuk-Yuks tonight. I am looking forward to going out with other people and getting a chance to hang out with new folks. It isn't so much that I dont want to hang out with my friends right now, but I am unsure who it is I have energy to see right now. does that sound weird? Well, I guess that's nothing new. In any case, I am going job searching again today. I have a teaching job lined up for April...but it is only Saturdays for 6 weeks and then again for summer school in July and August and another 6-8 Saturdays in Oct-Dec. I have taught for them before and look forward to it again, but it is hardly enough to sustain me and I really need something to fill my days with. Getting my teaching portofolio done is my first priority. *sigh* So, I guess that means I should log off and go and accomplish something today. God, its noce to be back online again. 12:14 a.m. - 3/7/2001 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||