xeryfyn's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Decluttering
I am decluttering as I prepare to move. I am sick to death of everything and am being pretty ruthless about sorting things I have hung onto for purely sentimental reasons and some things for no good reasons at all. And the accumulating clutter is becoming a drain on my energy. It is a slow process but then again, I didnt accumulate everything overnight either. I was pretty proud of myself today I took a big step by throwing away old birthday cards with little or no sentiments wrtten inside. Just To: and From: Not exactly the most hearfelt words. And, as they say, its the thought tht counted, not the card itself. I guess I am becoming more secure on my friendships that I dont need assorted cards to "prove" to myself that I was once loved too. 1:11 a.m. - 5/10/2003 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I Wish You "Enough" An epiphany, here, food for thought. What is "enough"? A parable for our time: At an airport I overheard a father and daughter in their last moments together. They had announced her plane's departure and standing near the door She said, "Daddy, our life together has been more than enough. Your love is all I ever needed. I wish you enough, too, Daddy." They kissed good-bye and she left. He walked over toward the window where I was seated. Standing there I could see he wanted and needed to cry. I tried not to intrude on his privacy, but he welcomed me in by asking, "Did you ever say good-bye to someone knowing it would be forever?" "Yes, I have," I replied. Saying that brought back memories I had of expressing my love and appreciation for all my Dad had done for me. Recognizing that his days were limited, I took the time to tell him face to face how much he meant to me. So I knew what this man was experiencing. "Forgive me for asking, but why is this a forever good-bye?" I asked. "I am old and she lves much too far away. I have challenges ahead and the reality is, her next trip back will be for my funeral," he said. "When you were saying good-bye I heard you say, 'I wish you enough.' May I ask what that means?" He began to smile. "That's a wish that has been handed down from other generations. My parents used to say it to everyone." He paused for a moment and looking up as if trying to remember it in detail, he smiled even more. "When we said 'I wish you enough,' we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with enough good things to sustain them," he continued and then turning toward me he shared the following as if he were reciting it from memory. "I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright. I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more. I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive. I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger. I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting. I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess. I wish enough "Hello's" to get you through the final "Good-bye." He then began to sob and walked away. My friends and loved ones, I wish you ENOUGH!!! They say, "It takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them." 12:57 a.m. - 8/13/2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Approaching one month My little girl lies in my arms even as I type this entry. She is precious asleep as well as awake. I am so in love with the essence of her, drinking in her sweet baby smell and soft baby skin. She makes small squeeking noises as she sleeps, dreaming of....? Who knows, perhaps of God or heaven or mommy or home. She stirs and stretches, arching her head and lifting her chin, her fists tiny and curled into fists, raised high above her head. She sighs and then settles again, in the cradle of my arms, back to sleep. The days have blended into one another into a timeless mess of days and nights, eating, sleeping, feeding and resting. There is nothing in my routine that tells me today is Monday or Sunday or Friday. It doesnt matter anyway. We exist here in our little bubble of life, quite content, perhaps too complacently, missing the world go by. I am struck, sometimes, with cabin fever and burst out of the house to devour civilization and adult conversations with people other than Dwayne (not that he hasnt been SO SO wonderful!). Mostly, though, I watch, amazed at how quicky she is growing when I take my eyes off her even for a second. A month has come and gone this Sunday (and with it our four year anniversary!) and my sweet Julia is 9lbs and 21 inches long... And so it goes... 12:56 a.m. - 7/19/2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Finally writing...
Finally writing...ohh its been so long that I feel rusty and strange. Forgive these first, stumbling attempts. I used to write so copiously and fluidly and now...short sentences stall me and create writers blocks. A book that I am now enjoying on writing one's life story (a process that has been stalled in my life for about 1 1/2 years) tells me that free-flowing thought, rambling as it were, is a legitimate and even cathartic process that may help to pump some of those creative juices that seem to have dried up. So here I am, and if you have the compulsion to join me on this plane of rambly and sordid conversations, I welcome your thoughts. Interesting thing about thoughts...they are the building block of all creation and yet are so easily dismissed. One thought can start a war or a truce, one thought can spark a movement or stir a protest. Oh and in common everyday matters, thoughts can create havoc as we struggle to interpret other people's thoughts. How they express it, what they say, how they say ot, the diction, the accent, the wording, all stem from thoughts that bubble up in ones mind unbidden, sometimes unwelcome and always provoking. In some people, thoughts are the end of the road, who are unable or unwilling to take hold of their thoughts and make them magnificent and active. And without voicing their thoughts, no one will ever know how great and noble, how powerful and true their thoughts are...Oh, to think. We are creatures of such innocence, such experience and few of us realize how great we can really be.. Hopefully, not too late, we will come to know our potential.... Onward...time, oh time, carry me forth...
11:17 p.m. - 11/7/2000 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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