xeryfyn's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- On Being Charitable I like to think that I am a charitable person. I like the feelings that come from giving and try to capture that feeling as often as I can. Dwayne, too, has a soft heart and watching him sometimes makes my heart melt. ***** Though we are not exactly rolling in money, we give ourselves the luxury of a dinner out, even if it is in a ramshackle diner in the heart of the inner city. It is a dark cold evening. The sun has long since diappeared and the wind finds every gap in my coat, cutting like a knife. We pull into the parking lot, decrepit old men in decrepit old coats mill around. Uneasily we hurry towards the glow of the diner. Ishuffle in closer to Dwayne when one of the men breaks away from the crowd and approaches us. "Hey, spare some money? I'm hungry, man" We shake our heads, sorry, no money, nothing for you, anyway. A moment of indecision passes Dwayne's face. He turns to the man, "I have no money on me but we'll buy you a bowl of soup, ok?" "Yeah. That's nice. Thanks" Inside we are shown to a table. The manager stops the man at the door. "You can't come in here" "We are buying him some soup. Can you make it to go?" The manager looks at us. "Sure" He looks thoughtful, maybe even impressed. We try not to notice his curiosity. The diner is mostly empty. We sit in a corner, shielding ourselves from the waitress' glances, the hushed conversations between servers. We see the man stumble out of the entry way clutching a brown paper bag. He hurries to a telephone booth on the corner. From our seats we can see there is another man in the booth. He is bent over, perhaps from pain, perhaps from age, perhaps from hunger or age. They open the bag and stand there backlit under the orange streetlamps overhead. We order soup too, to ward off the chill of the night. We wonder. Did he also recieve a roll and butter? Was his portion as generous as ours? Was a bowl of soup really enough? *********** A man approaches me in the parking lot of a grocery store. "Please. Spare some money. My kid and I are trying to settle in Edmonton from Saskatchewan. We're hungry. We havent eaten in three days." I smile. This is his lucky day,I think to myself. I open my trunk where I always keep a stash of food. I hand him fruit and cans of soup. He backs off. "No, no, can't you give us money? We...dont have ..uh...can openers or anything." I look at him. For someone who hadn't eaten in three days, he was being awfully picky. And the fruit required no can opener. I was a little irked. A rat. I could smell this scam, now. How far does being charitable go? *********** Flash forward to another night. It is midnight. The rain is cold and hard and unfit for lingering in. Dwayne emerges from his friend's house after a night of cards. As he drives slowly, carefully in the torrential downpour, a woman flags him down by the side of the road. She is wet. No, bedraggled. She is soaked. And begging. "Please. Three kids. Need $10-15 for milk, diapers, bread...Please" He lets her into the back seat and drives to a bank machine. Hands her $20 and waves off her promise to return the money as soon as her welfare check comes in. He returns home, worried that he has done the right thing. Should he have given her money? ************** Another night. This time Dwayne is on his way to his card game. A man stops him. "Hey man, spare something for a bite to eat?" So Dwayne, of the soft-hearted, takes him to a donair place. Pays for a dinner and then leaves the man to his meal. Was giving food better than money? Was this less trusting? And if so, was it less charitable? *************** A few months later, after Dwyne's parents have taken us for dinner, we are hanging around outside. An old car pulls up next to us. A tired middle aged woman leans out, spinning a story about not having her EI check yet, three kids, and on and on. I lean back from her, suddenly aware of this story. A feeling of deja vu. The in-laws hand her $20 and wave off her suggestion of repayment. A glance back at Dwayne confirms my suspicians. This woman was the same as the one in the rain. She must run a pretty good scam. Hitting up a couple dozen people a day. You can make a pretty good chunk of change. Suddenly, my charitable feelings dry up. Who knows what other scam we were a part of? ***************** Today, I passed a boy who had a cardboard sign: Travelling and Hungry. Anything Helps. I went home, picked out some things from the cupboard, drove back and asked him where he was from. "Halifax" "Well, this is for you" I hand him the bag full of food and as I drive away, I see him unwrapping the granola bar. I smile and think that charity is ok after all. And so it goes... 12:59 a.m. - 9/16/2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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