xeryfyn's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Being Romantic I think part of the issue surrounding my relationship with hubby is that I dont think that romance is dead after marriage. OK, so that was a bit controversial and I feel a bit guilty having written it down but I am not about to go back on my thoughts, even when I am having second opiions about what those thoughts are. So this is going to be a rambly one, by the looks of it. Hopefully by the end it will look more like a logical prgression of thought rathe than the jumble that it is in my head right now. When I first met hubby, it was not necessarily all roses and candlelight. We were never that type of couple and the phase of stuffies and cutesy-pie was somewhat short-lived. We both lived in a somewhat jaded frame of mind and it was enoug that we had found someone with whom we felt supremely comfortable and unpressured to do anything for. Having said that, I am a romantic. I like having roses and candlelight. I like being surprised with love letters and mementos of our time together. But I can live without them, or can I? Perhaps the truth of it is I can live without them for the most part. I don't need proof positive of his affections in the form of material things on Valentine's Day or any other day of the year for that matter. But I do need some sort of affirmation that I am still the love of his life, and more importantly, that I am more than the washer of dishes and bearer of children. How this affirmation takes shape is a bit beyond me. I don't know that I want roses and candlelight simply becuase he thinks that i want them. It isn't enough. I also want him to want it too. And perhaps that is the bulk of my misgivings about saying anything at all. But since I am too aware of the fact that he can not (and should not) be expected the read my mind, I suppose there is no recourse in just saying things outright. NOw that I have gotten that a bit out of my system, I feel a bit guilty. Not because I have needs as a woman but because it gives him a bit of a short shrift. I mean, he does a lot for the family, does a lot for me and is trying hard to keep things afloat. I feel bad for wanting to be a bit selfish from time to time but I know that some pampering every now and again for me will only help our relationship, help me become a better wife, mother and person. And so we go. 2:23 p.m. - 2004-03-03 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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