xeryfyn's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Words I wish I wrote "In the midst of winter, I found within me, an invincible summer" -Albert Camus ------------------------------- In the past few days, I have re-discovered the wonder of my friends and the strength of my friendships. I have re-kindled old dreams and have come to understand that I *can* achieve them, someday. I have seen myself grow, as a person, from difficult times, and stretch towards a newer, better me. I have learned that some things can be krazy-glued together and some things need special pottery glue. I have sung when I thought I was too tired to lift the music, and found the notes inside me, all along. I have come to understand that an A- is a very good mark on a midterm. I have smiled at strangers and gotten outstanding service because of it. I have read things I wish I wrote first, but have appreciated their timeliness nevertheless. I have thought about abandoning this road I am on, and then remembered how I got here in the first place... I have realized that I am better than I thought I was. I have heard from a friend, that I am "all right" and come away with a warm glowing feeling inside me. --------------------------------- "If we knew we were on the right road, having to leave it would mean endless despair. But we are on a road that only leads to a second one and then to a third one and so forth. And the real highway will not be sighted for a long, long time, perhaps never. So we drift in doubt. But also in an unbelievable beautiful diversity. Thus the accomplishment of hopes remains an always unexpected miracle. But in compensation, the miracle remains forever possible." -Franz Kafka - Diaries ----------------------------------- "Come now!...Were everything clear, all else would seem to you in vain. Your boredom would populate a shadowless universe with an impassive life made up of unleavened souls. But a measure of disquiet is a divine gift. The hope which, in your eyes, shines on a dark threshold does not have its basis in an overly certain world." -Marcel Proust -By way of Sainte-Beuve -------------------------------------- "If my words did glow with the gold of sunshine and my tunes were played on the harp unstrung, Would you hear my voice come through the music? Would you hold it near as it were your own? It's a hand-me-down, the thoughts are broken; Perhaps they're better left unsung. I don't know, don't really care. Let there be songs to fill the air...." -Grateful Dead - Ripple 11:40 p.m. - 2/1/2001 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Oh, the Possibilities that beckon at my door You know, at some point, this insomnia is going to catch up with me...but in the meantime, I shall be here. A bit of catch-up. I realize that I do not write very consistently on my OD, even though I am here every single day (and night!) but I do have every intention of doing so when I log on. For me, for now, it has to be enough. But, I digress... So...on the spur of the moment the day after New Year's, I applied to the local university on-line. I had been tinkering with the idea of going back to pursue another bachelor's degree since the stupid government in power in my province doesnt want to give me a certificate and let me teach (curses government red tape). They claim I need 5 years of post-secondary...the fact I took five year to finish a four year degree doesn't quite cut it with them...:P The next day, I went to the university and asked for more information. they then informed me that I had ben accepted and that I could start immediately, as in, that day. I was kind of startled but relieved. These past few months have been like living in limbo... I went to see the chair of the English department who told me that he saw no reason why I shouldn't just go for my Masters. I guess I never entertained that possibility and I said as much. After all, my undergraduate degree was won by blood, sweat and tears, and not easily either. I wasn't exactly their best student, even at the best of times. So, with reassurances that he thought I would be fine, he sent me to the chair of the Education department who agreed that the Masters route would be the best thing career-wise in the long run. Well hell. I was blown out of the water. A Masters degree? Me? Was it possible? Here were several highly intelligent people telling me Yes it was possible. And yes, I should pursue it and What the hell was I waiting for? A sign from God? So now, I am just wading in this possibility. This startling new turn in a road that seems stretched out before me in new and exciting ways...no matter how scary or unsure I am of my capabilities. The program they are proposing I look into is fairly unique. It is a Masters in Interdisciplinary Studies. That is, a way to completely straddle English and Education in one thesis and one degree. I am considering this as my thesis proposal: "A study of coming-of-age novels in the high school curriculum and their impact on adolescent thinking"... So much to consider and so many implications! No one in my family has ever pursued schooling beyond the bachelor level. I suppose plowing new ground is exciting in itself but also incredibly daunting! And so, life presents another connundrum, and all the pettiness of past days worries are thrown by the wayside. There are bigger fish to fry, if you know what I mean... 11:35 p.m. - 1/11/2001 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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