xeryfyn's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dancing with myself I am tired today. My eyes are sore from crying and I can't quite place the feeling that something is wrong. Things seemed to be going so well. I had made the decision, a new year's resolution, of sorts, to return to school and the moment I stepped onto the university campus, I was relieved to be back. The class I have chosen seems to be full of intelligence and maturity. But somehow, I am still...lonely? I don't quite know what I am feeling and the stress of not knowing manifests itself in aches and invisible pains. I am sick of this dance, two steps forward, one step back. Yet at the same time, I am determined not to sit this one out. I will NOT be a wallflower. Two steps back one step forward. I can't hear the music and the rhythm is complicated. Sigh. 11:34 p.m. - 1/8/2001 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Perspective...
Ok, after having had a good cry, taken a hot shower, taken in a children's Christmas concert and had a little nap, I felt more human and back to "normal". Deciding to tackle another gingerbread recipe and deciding that if this one didnt work, I would renounce baking for the rest of my life (no, not really), it worked! The recipe was faster, easier and less messy. Spending hours on the decorating, it is now 2 in the morning and it is finally done. I am satisfied with it and I guess that is all that really matters. I am actaully ready to handle the rest of the season and with one "victory" under my belt, I think I will be ok. I can be such a dork sometimes...
11:25 p.m. - 12/10/2000 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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