xeryfyn's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- How to Make an Impression on Your Neighbours You might wonder, when moving into a new neighbourhood, how to "Get to Know Your Neighbours". Here is one way. ************************************************ Step 1. Get a baby who has decided not to take a shit for a couple of days. Step 2. Feed above mentioned baby some poop-inducing goodness. (Prune juice is highly effective) Step 3. Wait for inevitable messy diaper. Step 4. Find explosion of poop dripping down the legs and up the back of baby. Feel half-elated that the prune juice was so effective. Curse prune juice for being TOO effetive.) Step 5. Strip baby and dump in bathtub. Step 6. Take off your pants and sit on ledge of bathtub so you can clean baby. Step 7. Decide to nurse baby in front of computer. (Decide also NOT to put pants back on) Step 8. Hear doorbell ring. Notice that front door has been left open and door-to-door salesman can see the computer where you sit with your boobs hanging out and your pants off. Step 9. Panic slightly. Step 10. Decide to make a mad dash for the bathroom where pants are. Step 11. Decide to try to put pants on *while* nursing baby. Do this by resting baby on bathroom counter. Step 12. Remember that you can't actually answer the door while nursing. Step 13. Pull unwilling baby off of boob. Yank down shirt (but forget to fasten nursing bra flaps so that they kind of "tent" shirt with attractive Madonna-esque points.) Step 14. Try to shush outraged baby who has had lunch disrupted so rudely while hurrying to answer the door. Step 15. Show startled salesman screaming toddler. Demand to know what he wants. Step 16. Enjoy the red-faced stammering. Step. 17. Marvel how baby magically morphs from howling anger into delighted screams when small dog comes into view. Step 18. Try to listen to the sales pitch while preventing baby from vaulting out of your arms to see the dog. Step 19. See neighbour walking the above mentioned dog notice baby's excitement and cross the street to show dog to baby. Step 20. Give up on trying to listen to salesman and go to neighbour. Step 21. Hand baby to neighbour. Step 22. Go back and listen to sales shpiel. Fix nursing bra while listening intently. Politely decline. Step 23. Return to neighbour. Ask, "so, umm, where do you *live*?" Step 24. Ignore horrified salesamn who didn't know that you had just handed your baby to a complete stranger in order to listen to his sales pitch. Step 25. Meet other people who live with neightbour and dog Step 26. Realize hours later that you had your fly open all the while... ************************************************* OK so maybe this was more of a "How *NOT* to guide And so we go... 1:15 a.m. - 7/20/2003 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Thinking Having time to prepare myself to have a baby by c-section leads to thinking. A lot of thinking. And one of the things we realized the most was that we didn't want our baby's birthday to be decided on something as unromantic as *being good in the surgeon's schedule* Friday is June 21st. First day of Summer. the longest day of the year. Solstice. Far more romantic, say I. And so we change it. This decision gives me some more days to treasure my little one inside me and to work my head around the disappointment of not giving birth naturally. And on top of it all, it just feels...right. 12:50 a.m. - 6/17/2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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