xeryfyn's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- March Madness
So many insanities, each different, each impacting hte world around me. Julia is nine months old today! Ack! Where did the time go? She is crawling backwards, trying desperately to stand and just yesterday began to clap her hands! So cute. So much I'd love to teach her! War. Need I say more? Dwayne, my precious, is teaching at Academy of Learning. Huge step in his career--that is, he's started having one :) Excited that he can finally have some inkling what my world has been--and perhaps cultivate as true a love of teaching as I have. Anxious about returning to work. Trying to figure out hte logistics of it. And whether or not it is going to happen. Trying to move into a bigger place (where we can hopefully paint the walls!). Aiming for the summer time. Should I start packing now?? Sigh. And so things go...updates will come whenever possible but things being hectic and all, this diary is a bit neglected. Oh well.
1:09 a.m. - 3/21/2003 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- An Angel becomes Earthbound All my bags sit by the front door, ready at last to do their long awaited job. The day is cloudless and hot, even at 6:30 in the morning. It is a beautiful day to welcome my angel into my life. I am taken to a prep room where they put in an IV and make sure that I am ready for surgery. Dwayne holds my hand as I get my next-to-last needle poke of this pregnancy. I am still afraid of the needles and my hold on his hand is very tight. They reassure me and answer all my last minute questions. A fear of being strapped down to the table is a major concern. The assure me that they do not do that in this hospital, though other hospitals in the city are known to do that. I am shaky with relief. They take me into the operating room, a cold white and bright stark room. It is large and steely, making me feel very diminutive and frightened. Dwayne has to stay outside until the spinal block is put in. I was counting on holding his hand through this last needle, the thought of this needle that has kept me awake nights, but alas he must stay outside until I am done. I almost start to cry but the nurse is kind and e hands are warmly comforting. She wraps me in a blanket and tells me I am dong well , that it will all be over soon and Dwayne will be here by my side really soon. The anesthetist is a jolly man with a super sense of humour. I am relaxing, knowing I am in capable and kind hands. As it starts to take effect, they put up the screen and Dwayne settles in at my side. It is 9:15 am. They are right when they say you can not feel pain, as you might imagine pain. What they did not tell me was that the "pressure" and "pulling" that I might feel would be scary enough and hard enough to produce a sense of *pain* in my head. A terrible sensation of being turned inside out. Of being torn. It doesn't help that they place the suction tube right in between Dwayne and myself. So a colourless tube strung between us that is suddenly filled with bright red blood is a source of panic and disconcertment. Until I am distracted by the sound "You have a baby girl!!!" and the beautiful sound of my child, my Julia Katherine, crying as she is brought forth into the world. My eyes are filled with tears that stream down my face and soak the pillow I lie on. Dwayne looks so proud. "I can see her!" They bring her by so I can look at my precious bundle. A full head of dark hair and large dark eyes, a little bleary in the light. 6lbs. 8 oz and perfect in every way. I drift off as they go to the nursery. My cup overfloweth... 12:51 a.m. - 6/21/2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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