xeryfyn's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Baby news and wedding plans I am in Week 13!!! I am passing the worrisome phase of miscarriages and, though I have thankfully not experienced ANY nausea or morning sickenss, that threat too is passing soon! I was pregnant with a friend and she, oh this almost crushed me, miscarried sometime in her 7th-11th week. It was hard to accept but she is so very strong that she managed to hold her head up and comfort me! An amazing woman and I hope that she conceives again as soon as possible. She will make a terrific mother and role model. I am starting to show a little tummy and am looking forward to really being able to tell that I am carrying a child. Oh, you might be wondering about the wedding? It will go on as planned. Same bat time, same bat place :) We have changed our menu to reflect a more traditional Thanksgiving spread and we have likely changed from buffet to plate service as we are cutting back our guest list and not replacing those who can not make it. I will be happy not to have too many more than 60 people there anyway. People have already begun asking for baby holding priviledges during various points of the wedding :)
It is nice to be supported and warm fuzzies surround me during this Christmas season 12:42 a.m. - 12/19/2001 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Red Patent Shoes Have you ever been moved by an urge that seems to spring from nowhere and ingrain itself deep in the heart of your psyche? Illogical and unreasonable, perhaps, but also fun and whimsical? And who knows from whence these urges arrie at your doorstep, like an unwelcome baket of newborn kittens...So much more trouble and yet so compelling that you must take it into the house of your memory and cherish it, rubbing it every so often to remind yourself that it is still there, begging for your attention. Begging, perhaps, for fulfillment. Sometimes the yearning becomes so firmly entrenched in "who you are" that you begin to ask *other* people to look around for the item of your desire adn they, too, become embedded in its control. Ahh, far-reaching implications so slight a request? Yes, my friends, it happens. For as long as I can remember I have been on the prowl for a pair of red patent shoes. I didnt care what style or brand they were. The only requirements were simply that they had to fit me and that they were RED patent shoes. I searched high and low, browsed through every shoe store I passed, just in case. No luck. Then, on an impulsive shuffle through a department store shoe sale, I found them. Gleaming and RED, so red, they glowed. And, of course, they were calling my name. "Take me home! Please! You know that you want to!" I stared at them, so forlorn and RED, there on the scrummy table filled with dull half-paired haphazard shoes. I watched people pulling shoes from the hands of the customers beside them, scrambling for the best pair at half off the last sale price. As I stared at them, I had a small conversation with myself. Sternly I reminded myself that I DIDN'T need new shoes. That I COULDN'T wear RED patent shoes to school to teach in. And then, in a moment of hesitation, I saw a woman reaching for them and I swooped, like an eagle upon hapless mice on the flat prairie grass. Once in my hands, of course, I HAD to try them on. Like Cinderella's proverbial glass slipper, they fit perfectly and I was enraptured by my (of course they were already MINE, in my mind) red patent shoes. I floated along this euphoric moment all the way to the till. Paying for them kind of brought me down a bit. Bringing them home and realizing that I had fulfilled a long held desire was a bit emptying, somewhat like finishing my degree. Happiness bounded by a certain degree of...disappointment that there was no more?... No more classes to work towards, no more shoe stores to peek into. No more...sigh...and so I wait. Something will come up, I know. It always does. Til then, I am LOVING my RED patent shoes. Tacky or not, I have been waiting for them to come into my life for so long....Now, if only I had more clothes that match them... :) 12:18 a.m. - 4/20/2001 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- -Blessed Numbness I wander in and out of tears Shaking with resistance Against the pain of remembrance And I sit here numb and wordless and hate that I havent got my angels 11:39 p.m. - 1/27/2001 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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