xeryfyn's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Ultrasound After 6 hours of fasting, gallons of water and hours without being allowed to use the washroom, I had my ultrasound! I staggered through the doors of the clinic overwhelmed with hunger and needing to pee so badly I couldnt decide whether sitting was easier than standing. I ended up mostly crouched on the floor. Pathetic? Yes, ok. They let me pee into a cup and when it was half full I had to force myself to stop. Killer. Not recommended. I went into the room and lay daown, which was easier. The technician was very understanding and let me, halfway through, let me use the bathroom, to my immense relief. Well, I told her I had to or I would soak her table. I think she let me because it was hard to see the baby because my bladder was TOO FULL. I could've told her that :P When she let Dwyane into the room (he had to wait in the waiting room) to ee the pictures, they were beautiful! I got to see the baby squirming around and playing with his feet. We got to see the baby's face--two eyes, a nose and a tiny mouth-- and watch the heart beating. Perfect in all aspects that they could measure! And right on schedule too! The baby is officially 18 weeks and 6 days. I had thought 19 weeks and 2 days so I was really only three days off! The due date remains at June 25-27th. Sigh. We now have a picture of the baby :) Afterwards, Dwyane and I made a beeline for the KFC across the way and I inhaled food. Oh good stuff. 12:43 a.m. - 1/30/2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Circle of Friends There are a lot of things to be said for friends. They are those people who always seems to be there for you, even when you don't realize they are there at all...They are people that do and say things that assuage hurts and put things into perspective. They put your needs ahead of their own problems and concerns. They care beyond the point that they probably should. I have a circle of friends. They exist out of my hugging range by about 8 hours, driving at a moderate speed. They have lifted me up and showered me with love at times in my life that I have felt down and unlovable. They are my angels. And I miss them. I have a circle of friends. They exist out of my literal hugging range by hours and days, but only an email, icq or OD note away. They have lifted me up and showered praises upon my life when I have felt down and unpraiseworthy. They are what creates Xeryfyn. On my birthday, I recieved a sculpture from my Angels at home and it was the most precious and dear thing that they could have ever chosen to give me. It was called "Circle of Friends" and very symbolically had each "friend" represented within it. I loved it. All day I had been in a strange, dissociated state. I couldnt place my finger exactly on what was wrong or how I could put a smile back on my face. I didnt know what to do with myself. So I slept. I had a terrible nightmare that I couldn't find my friends. That they had all disappeared from my life and I was alone. It was the worst kind of nightmare. I awoke and...OH GOD GIVE ME STRENGTH...my sculpture fell and shattered. So did I. I was hysterical and inconsolable. I didnt know what it meant or what to do. And though I couldnt reach out to my angels, I called on Xeryfyn and opened up my heart to G, a total stranger in every sense of the physical world. But someone who was there, online with me and comforting. And now here I am, trying to calm my racing heart and reassure my startled boyfriend that I am ok. That I will be ok. That it hurts to think about but that I am still here in the realm of the living and breathing...in and out... ...in and out...
So this, Geoff, is my thanks to you...*lifts up a slice of pizza*...thank you...for everything. 11:39 p.m. - 1/27/2001 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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