xeryfyn's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Late night worries It has been awhile since I have sat up late here with this diary and my worried thoughts... In early March sometime, during a routine breast self-examination, I discovered a small lump on my right breast. I told my doctor and she said that we would wait and see if it changed at all in the next few months. It did. Well, I felt like it got more tender and perhaps a bit larger, though not significantly so. Still I worried in the back burner of my mind. Yesterday I got in to see a specialist who took a tissue sample of it and will conduct tests ti see if there is anything to really worry about. In the meantime, I am instructed not to, that it is normal and common in pregnant women with developing milk glands and stuff. On the one hand, I am ok, logically I know that I am young and have no familal history of any cancer--breast, ovarian or otherwise. On the other hand, I am caught up in my future and the time I will get to spend with my new family should anything come of this. Time rushes on, ever precious minutes draining away. How can I spend it sleeping? So here I am, instead, and small confort here. I will have my angels over and Dwayne's birthday dinner to carry me through the day...what of the next day then? Or the one after that? Well, I suppose that we can only take things as they come, one day at a time. The old adage holds true---we must live each day as though it were our last, think upliftng thoughts to see us through to the new dawn and be mindful and filled with thankfulnes for the days that just passed. And so we go... 12:48 a.m. - 5/11/2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A View of the World Inside (part 1)
I stem the flow of loneliness that abides within me this holiday season by living in my writing. On the one hand, I feel like I am hiding from reality and am really not changing my circumstances by sitting here at this computer, but, nevertheless, I look around and wonder how I got here, to this place and time, and my view of the world has grown cynical indeed. I understand that whether or not we realize it, we contemplate our world views every moment of every day. From the biggest everythings to the smallest nothings, every thought shapes our personal philosophies. As we examine our views and learn more about ourselves-- mirrored, perhaps, in the everyday ramblibngs of an online support network-- we find that we are flawed, perhaps more so than any other. To remedy this flaw, we seek solutions, usually short-term, to patch up our conscience and thus, we go on. This is our life. And it must be true that experience is the mother of knowledge so, henceforth, we make gluttons of ourselves, systematically and voraciously devouring everyone else's thoughts, ideas and experiences so that we may learn from them. But we never do learn...
11:26 p.m. - 12/13/2000 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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