xeryfyn's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Being Appreciative Now that things in the financial arena of my life seems to be settleing down, somewhat anyway, I feel bound by something greater than myself to pay attention to other, perhaps long neglected parts of my life. Damn Maslow and his hierarchy of needs. I haven't really thought about what keeps my group of friends together in awhile and now that I have moments of insomnia and inactivity in the flurry of every day life, I wonder at how much I take for granted. We all do. Things that we appreciate and express our love for, fall by the wayside. I used to be very aware, almost hyper-aware of being thankful and appreciative of my friends and how much they have enriched my life. It grows frustrating, though, and tiresome, when it feels like a one way street where you give and give and don't feel that thankfulness, that appreciation, reciprocated. And I know in my heart that my friends really do care for me and love me every inch as much as I do them, but, sometimes, I think that if I were to disappear into the oblivion of the working world and daily grind, they might wonder, momentarily where I am, but few would stop to call to see that I am alright, or that I might have fallen (literally or figuratively) and that they might lend a hand to pick me back up. Maybe it is too much to expect. After all, I understand being busy. I, too, am guilty of not keeping in touch as much as I could. I don't reach out as often as I might to those who are not convenient and close. But where does that line divide acquaintances and true friends? Where might we see the reaching out to be bothersome or too timeconsuming to be worthy of a moment? My time might be better spent reaching out that writing here, but here I am, and, likely, here I will remain, at least tonight. There are few enough times that I take for the sheer pleasures of life. Maybe I am just cranky becuse of the time of month, or because of the pressures of work, I am just looking for a little bit of...something. anything, really, from those who are supposed to be my closest companions. One of them rcently said that while I was in Prince George there were a lot of good intentions, but nothing, nothing ever materialized from the friends who I expected to hear from. Did knowing their intentions make me feel better? Not really. Did that make me feel guilty for thinking that they *should* have expended that little bit of gesture? Of course. Do I *still* wish they would do something now? Absolutely. Do I feel selfsih and quarrelsome? All the time. Sadly, there is little that ranting here will do for me. And perhaps, it is a wake-up to me, a time to re-evaluate who I have in my life. I think that in some ways my circle of "true friends" is too large to maintain a good equilibrium. There are too many kinks to work out with a circle of 50 good friends. 5 I could see working easily, as it had for me in the past. Somehow, with 50 people, losing one friend is less devestating than losing one out of five, and therein lies the issue. Did I do this on purpose? If I am honest with myself, yes. It was too hard to be close to just five friends and have on pass away. It was a devestation that our small circle could not sustain the loss of. It stands to reason, then, that having a wide support web, something I conciously set out to build, has now come to fruition. And still, I am unhappy. What to do? Bah. Was life always this complex? 12:27 a.m. - 7/20/2001 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A job connundrum So, I am working three jobs and, for the most part, quite enjoy them all. The first one is with the marketing firm, where I have learned coding and data entry, in addition to surveying people. It has given me opportunities and experiences that I am grateful for. There is more but I shall return to this particular ein of conversation at some later time... Next is my job at the juniour high. Also a very valuable eye-opening experience. Being surrounded by grade seveners day in and day out has been unexpectedly wonderful. I have grown to appreciate and like them for thier moments of inspiration, cheerful and boundless energy and exuberence. The staff are all so very helpful- amusing and welcoming, embracing this "new kid" and bringing me quickly into the "loop". I have a greater aprreciation for the work that teachers do and find my desire to tech increase, despite my arrival in the annual "slump" where both staff and students are losing the joie de vivre of being in school. Again, something further has come up here, but that shall be revealed in due course. Right, finally, I teach school on Saturdays (6 classes) - remedial Writer's Workshop for grades 5 & 6. It is fun! I love the students I have- even though getting them to talk is like pulling teeth (in the school I am at on weekdays, getting them to shut up is impossible!). I like the wide disparity there! We enjoy writing exercises and word games and the hours that I spend with them fly by. This is my fourth year with the program and I have settled into a groove that I am very comfortable with. Oh, and they have some super-awesome resources! Nothing further here but, I thought I would throw it in for good measure. LOL So, back to the connundrum: I have two jobs that have definite potential. I am interestd in both opportunoities but can travel only along one road...and have come to that proerbial fork in the road of life. What to do? Well, here's the situation. I was hired at the marketing form with an interest in copy editing. I started in mid-April and, within the month and a half, have been trained much more extensively and quickly than other "new recruits". Now, well, on Tuesday night, I was pulled into my supervisor's office. She wanted to know whether I would be intrerested in considering the coding manager's position. There is was, on a plate, ready for me to jump on it and run. *BUT WAIT* One of the teacher's at the juniour high that I am quite close to is leaving to do her Master's degree. Her job is ripe for my picking. And, before you scoff that I have only been there for three weeks, one of the other grade seven teachers informed me that this time last year (May 2000) SHE had MY job AND was offered the full-time position in the fall of 2000. The chances of getting a job here is quite likely. The only issue I have is whether or not I feel comfortable teaching in this particular school. Don't get me wrong I *do* like the school, I said so earlier and I wasn't lying, but this is how the school works: All grade seven teachers teach their class "core" that is, all four core subjects (math, language arts, science AND social studies) ar taught by that teacher. In fact, the only time you ever get OUT of seeing your class is Complementaries( or options like art, outdoor ed, etc) and Gym. Yeah, a bit excessive? Well, it is modeled after elementary systems and seems to work quite well. But I have NEVER taken any upper level math/science courses and social studies is so far from my realm of interests that i wouldnt een know where to begin. However, there are a team of teachers that develop all lesson plans TOGETHER so it turns out to be LESS prep work than if I had to go it on my own. I still am frightened byt he prospect of teaching anything OTHER than English. Still, the opportunity is right in front of me and I'd be an IDIOT to walk away from it without trying. *sigh*
Two great opportunities and only a few weeks in which to decide, either way. Of course this ha to happen to ME! Wow, that was a long and rambly entry. Exhausting, too. I think I need a milkshake... 12:20 a.m. - 5/3/2001 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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