xeryfyn's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Februarium Part 1: Who You Love A love letter to anyone. Or no one in particular. Dearest, So often I see you and I sigh a bit, like small breaths escaping from overfilled balloons. And the volumes that are spoken in the quickness of that breath I do not know if I can put into mere words. The sigh encapsulates all of my love. That love that I never tell you about. The kind that pours slowly like molasses over flour just before it is mixed into flour. The kind that makes the food you cook taste just that much better than anyone elses. The kind that doesn't count the seconds of the clock because there are too few seconds to count the ways that love changed me. Somehow it is easier than I hoped love had to be, to be real. I always feared the shabbiness of love--the Velveteen Rabbit kind of love. And yet here I am, having grown so deeply in love with you and still feel like I have miles to go before I sleep. And though some days I am worn, like soft flannel, moulded into the fibre of your heart, but tired, you still carry me. And for that, sweetness abides in me and makes it easier to carry on. Dearest, I dont tell you often enough, perhaps, that my love for you is still as pure and fierce as when we met. That I feel sheltered in your arms and in your heart. That I love you still. And shall forevermore. And so we go... 1:04 a.m. - 2/10/2003 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Reception Hall and Perfect Weather **WARNING: MUSHY CONTENT BELOW** So, in the truest characteristic of anal organizers, Dwayne and I decided on a reception location for our ceremony and reception. We drove down to Banff for the day yesterday and scoped out the hotel site. Banff Park Lodge is a lovely four star hotel in the heart of Banff. The outside does not do the interior justice, for, although it is nice enough outside, the interior design is stunning. High wood panelled ceilings highlight wood-burning stone fireplaces surrounded by cushy sofa seating scattered along the halls and in cozy alcoves. The rooms we had originally thought to have as our ceeremony and reception room, while nice, is smaller than we require for 75 people. Though it is Saturday, nad not Max's job, he takes us upstairs to explore the other banquet rooms. One of them, the Summit room, is breathtaking-- with high vaulted ceilings and large pane windows facing a bevy of autumn trees, resplendent in their fall coats. We are also foretunate enough to see it set up for a wedding, tables laid with gorgeous place settings, details that do not escape our scrutiny. I snap roll after role of pictures and we leave feeling buoyed by accomplishment and questions buzzing to ask the wedding coordinator. We drive aroud searching Banff townsite for places to take pictures at and we gasp at the perfection of the mountain views from certain vantage points. It is a perfect fall day--clear, sunny and just a hint of breeze flicking the autumn foilage. We agree that it is a pity that we weren't married then and there, but we drive back hoping that our wedding is also blessed with beautiful weather. As we drive we chatter excitedly about possible favours for our guests, and ways to make the mot of the room we have just seen. I am giddy and filled with joy. For a few hours, there is nothing in this word so perfect as my time with Dwyane and i am overflowing with happiness. Sick yet? Well, go 'way and leave me to my gushing. 12:39 a.m. - 10/8/2001 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Shadow My new car was not perfect, after all, I had only spent about $3000 on it, total. Still, I love the independence that my car offers. And, after many years of fears of driving and even fears of being a passenger in a car, I find that I can drive with confidence and security. It is a great relief to me that I am not paralyzed with panic when situations in everyday driving occurs. Somehow I always imagined that I was going to die or be horribly injured (again) in a car accident. But now, with the reality of everyday commutes to work, I do not even give it a second thought. In fact, I can now undertand the comfort that people derive from being absorbed in the daily trivias of driving and the self-imposed moments of silence. Floating along in the little bubbles that we have created on the road, there is time for contemplation, for reflection, for unabashed and shameless song. I glance over to other vehicles and imagine the urgency of their destinations, of their lives, imagine where they have come from and where they are heading. Thinking about the people that they are conversng with or the people that they are gazing adoringly at instead of at the road, mothers screaming at kids in the rear seats to settle down so she can drive, dreaming of blissful silence. Ahh, such time for the imagination to be filled with the wonder of life- its hustle and hurry. And, while I am still very terrible at finding things with out landmarks, I am sure that it will only be a matter of time before this worry, too, is vanquished. My car is still nameless, however, I am sure this too is only a matter of time. Ahh, time. 12:20 a.m. - 4/29/2001 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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