xeryfyn's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Impressions and Unsolicited Advice It has been awhile since i had the opportunity to sit and write about all the things I have needed to get out of my head. Excuse this brain dump and the stiled writing, I am slightly out of practice. A flashback: A few Fridays ago, I recieved an email about going dancing downtown. It was excited to think about going, to realize that I am free to do it and that Julia will not miss me at all while I dance the night away. Dwayne has been wonderful about listening for her cries and I am usually confident that she will simply sleep through my absence. I hadnt been out without a (self-imposed) curfew in awhile and thinking about spending time with K and Rarah and Gwyn was a thrilling prospect. We arrive at the bar, the music thumping and shimmering into the night. It was Mardi Gras night and we were bedecked with strands of beads (we didnt even have to flash anyone to get them!) and quickly found our group. There we found Gwyn, who had been drinking a great deal. She was a bit focused on her object of attention, a certain Boston-bound man. As he was in town for only a short while, Boston was doting on every woman around him. I was disappointed that I didnt get a chacne to dance with Gwyn, a bit annoyed that she was just too drunk to really talk to anyone and much too absorbed by prying Boston's attention away from the gaggle of girls to notice that he was simply not giving her the time of day. It was difficult to watch because she didnt have the beneft of perspective to see how badly he was treating her and how sleazy he looked with his arms around three women all at once. I didnt want my friend to be hurt by him, didnt want to be the one to hold her while she cried about the lack of progress she claimed she was making with him and, most of all, I didnt want to be the one to tell her that she was hurting one of her closest friends while she was at it. We left her in the bar, unable to get through the drunk haze around her, and went to Denny's to cap the night off on a more appealing note. Don't get me wrong, I had a great time dancing with D, laughing with Rarh and had a ball watching K bat her baby blues at some cute Coca-Cola man. I enjoyed dressing up and feeling pretty, loved the few sips of Crown Float that I was able to have. The music was good, the crowd not too young and the eye-candy plentiful. I would do it again in a minute, but next time with Gwyn having fun with us too. I am not usually one to preach at my friends, after all, I had a wild and crazy streak in my past too and everyone is entitled to make mistakes and make thier own choices. We are all adults, right? Well somehow, I slipped. Or maybe I didn't. Gwyn asked me to tell her about the night at the bar and said she couldnt remember anything after she left her house. So I did. I told her all the things I saw and how sad it made me feel. I told her that she hurt K and that it wasnt fair to have asked us to come dancing if we were not really going dancing with her and then I stopped. IHaving exhausted my unsolicted advice supply, I felt a bit righteous in telling her how I thought she should have acted and what she should have done. Now, in retrospect, I realize that she should have come to these understandings on her own time. And that, perhaps, she didn't need us dictating to her how she should act in public. She isn't a child and I am not her mother. I don't think that she had any intention of hurting anyone, or even of acting the way she did. Perhaps with less alcohol in her system, she would have made different choices, but who can know all the "would have, could have, should haves"? In the end, I am simply glad to put it behind us, to hug her and maybe soon, to sit down and talk with her about small and large things again. 3:45 p.m. - 2003-09-07 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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