xeryfyn's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Family, Anniversaries and Work I meant to write a succinct entry, I think. I opened the page and promptly got distracted by Julia. I fed her some cereal and got myself a drink, pulled up a comfy chair to write in and entered that foggy state of mind known menacingly as writer's block. There are things that I have meaning to write about: my grandmother's illness, my parents subsequent spur of the moment trip halfway around the world o be with her, my brother's lack of confidence in being alone in the big house and other family type issues. This of course is highlit by that important family holiday: Thanksgiving. I feel like I ought to roast a turkey and do the family thing, but dont know if I am up to it right now. I mean to write about the coming of Thanksgiving which also heralds our very first wedding anniversary-the challenges of married life, the things that change, the things that dont. The idea of having more kids (and soon) and having a bit of nesting instinct telling me its time soon to look fora house of our own. I mean to talk about my jobs, the pressures of them, the lacsidasicality that I feel towards them all. There is no focus, no true involvement. In short, I dont give a shit about any of them. Everyday that I work I feel like it is going to be one of the last days I am in so I work half-heartedly, not planning to get more involved, not trying harder to be more adept, generally being OK with just getting the job done quickly. I have never really felt this way before and I know that it means that I should move on but I am just not in a position to right now and it makes me sad. I want to look forward to work, to throw myself into it and excel as I am wont to do. But not with these part time jobs. For me, half-ass job=half-ass effort. And that is just the way of it for now. And now I remember that the entry I wanted to write about: a REAL teaching job. Now that the Learniong commission has told the government to plug money into the system for teachers I think I need to get off my ass and put in to be a sub. I need to get on that list so that I have a running chance to get a teaching job. Gah. 10:00 p.m. - 2003-10-08 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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