xeryfyn's Diaryland Diary

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The Big Talk

So, today I had a chat with the director.

It appears that I seem disinterested at work. Imagine that. Oh and if there is anything she can do to help me along feeling more at home with her, I should tell her right away. Of course I should.

I told her that I felt that she was undermining me in the classroom in front of the kids. I told her that I didn't think that we had a very good rapport at all. I told her that the job was less kindergarten focused then I wanted it to be. I told her that I was disappointed that the job wasnt everything I thought that it could be. I wanted to tell her that I am thinking about resigning. Tomorrow. I didn't tell her that I thought she was a difficult person to want to work with. I didn't tell her that I dreaded going in to work everyday.

She talked about plans for the new year. I listened and made non-commital humming noises. I talked about our differences in opinion. She talked about leaving our classroom alone because things always seemed "under control, except when they get out of control" The hell that meant, I have yet to figure out.

Hubby and I had a chat last night and this morning about my leaving work. About Julia's reticence to settling into her room. About the repercussions of my leaving work. I am afraid to let the quasi-security of a paycheck go, even though I hardly make enough on my paycheck to cover the cost of Julia's daycare.

I think that the administration knows I am unhappy working there and that I am looking at the door pretty hard from the moment I walk in in the mornings. Maybe it's just the cold thing that is getting me down, maybe its Seasonal Affectve Disorder, maybe I am just a cranky bitch. Any way you cut it, I think I need out for my own sanity.

1:17 p.m. - 2003-12-15

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