xeryfyn's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Cranky I've been feeling a bit under the weather. Julia is getting back to normal, her antibiotics seem to keeping everything under control and her fevers have broken so we are not always on edge about having another seizure. They found some unidentified specimens in her urine culture and we will repeat the test once she has finished this round of antibiotics to check that they have all been taken care of as well. I'm glad that this latest doctor we have talked to seems to have a good grasp on what we should be doing and what might happen down the line. Being well taken care of is something that we ought not to take for granted.
That said, I don't feel well, dont feel taken care of and feel a bit taken for granted. Being up at this time of day doesnt seem to help much either. Although being up is better than lying in bed starting at the ceiling. I am unsure what is causing this malaise, I seem to be rather out of sorts with everything. I suppose what with the moving, the unpacking, the stress of not having any money, Julia's illness and the pregnancy and all, it's enough to make anyone crazy. However, I feel like I am not coping as well as I ought to be. I get teary and weepy and find that I am frustrating everyone around me just be my presence. Julia has taken to calling for her daddy and will not come to me, which doesnt make matters better. I feel like I ought to be doing something but cant put my finger on what it is that will make my days feel less anxious, my mood less unstable, my temper less fierce. I am not getting along well with hubby right now and I dont quite know what it is that is causing us to be as torn as we are. I feel a bit upset I think that I am not contributing to our income, and feel like a child when he hands me money for my "allowance". It's not that he is doing anything in particular to aggravate things, though sometimes I feel contentious towards him, and I understand that we are not in a financial position to allow me to have a bit more leeway in that department but something has to change either in my head or in our daily goings on or this is going to go to hell in a handbasket. I dont know what to do or what this next few months of waiting will bring. I feel a bit at the end of my rope and need something to give. It's early morning, I am tired, cranky and snivelly. Perhaps this perspective will change in the morning, but I am not entirely certain and just want some reassurance that it will not always be like this.
Sigh.
5:27 a.m. - 2004-02-24 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||
|
||||||