xeryfyn's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Bracing for Impact It has been a busy week or so and I am caught in the web of too many things to think about and not enough brain power to sort through them with the type of attention that i want to pay towards them. It has been a week or so of thinking about mortality and the life cycle that churns us through this weary world. All about me there are hints of life been given and taken away, people being born, people dying. 3 more births of babies on my July mommies boards, babies that come into the world a bit larger with each passing day, Ronald Reagan's widely publicized funeral, my friends-- mourning a father, a grandfather, a grandmother, music legend Ray Charles rounding off the list. My prayers for them and for the people mouring them spinning around in my head, though I may not have gotten round to expressing them to the right people in the right time. And throughout it all, I carry this little Peanut inside me, reminding me that just as we are all destined to leave this world, we all came into it in the same way- a burgeoning bud of hope. It was a week or so of celebrating: upcoming birthdays (Ack, my daughter is 2, where did my time go!?) to plan, attending wedding showers, exciting (but not labor inducing excitement) engagement news, plans for friends moving around, and all the while trying to keep a lid on my child's brimming independence and tantruming, and coping with impending arrival of Peanut. Thankfully game 7 was significantly less exciting than game 6 and I managed to hold off regular contractions for a little while longer anyway. It has been a week or so of trying to sort out my priorities once the baby come, to continue tutoring my students come September or to refer them to someone else in order to give them a fair shake at having someone they can really rely on. Trying to get up the energy to do the things I *need* to get done-like deciding on a name for Peanut, setting up the bassinet for the baby, re-packing the hospital bag and moving around Julia's car seat in order to get the infant car seat into the car. There is, of course, a big list of things I would *like* to get done before the baby comes--putting down sod in the backyard so that Julia can play there without getting covered in mud, lining the flowerbeds with brick instead of the rotted out logs that harbour huge biting red ants that like to creep into our house, moving around the furniture in our bedroom so that the bassinet we will set up for the baby will actually *fit* in our room, getting a twin sized mattress for Julia so that we can try to make the big leap to big-girl bed one of these days, making curtains for our room so that the sun doesnt always wake me in the mornings, taking Julia to the portrait studio for her second birthday pictures... There are other things that I am sure that I want to do but these days, I am lucky to creep downstairs and lie in agony on the couch. This morning, for example, I felt so broken: my back ached all night, my pelvic bones were in such bad shape I could hardly turn over without screaming, my fingers and toes were tingling and numb (huzzah, pregnancy induced carpel tunnel) and I had a huge leg cramp in my left calf (I was so proud that i only writhed about clutching it without waking anyone else as it worked itself into a manageable dull roar of pain), I felt nauseated and felt a bit better after several trips driving the white bus, and the little parasite inside me only made matters worse by using the ribs on my right side as a xylophone. My mantra is that it will be over soon and a whole new adventure will begin. Luckily for me, I have a toddler who is content to play by my side and let me sleep on and off through the day. Things will only get more exciting from this point on as we draw nearer to the manic July month and I can only brace myself for the onslaught.
3:54 p.m. - 2004-06-14 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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