My three year old just cried herself to sleep. It all kind of started unravelling when she chose the books she wanted to read at bedtime��Annie Bananie� by Leah Komaiko (a book about a girl whose best friend moves away), �Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day� by Judith Viorst, and �I Was So Mad� by Mercer Mayer. I looked at the books in my hand, shrugged and started reading. Who knew that my 3 year old had a hidden agenda? I started with Alexander and then moved to the Mercer Mayer book and by the time I got through Annie Bananie, she was weeping pitifully. �I am so mad mom. I�m having a very very bad day and I want to go home right now.� My heart was breaking before the end of the sentence.
So, not wanting to tip the weeping to full-tilt crying, I meekly said, �Where do you want to go?� as though I hadn�t heard her properly and that maybe there was an off chance that she meant that she just wanted to go to sleep and forget the litany of depressing children�s lit that I had just read to her. But no, she repeated, �Mom, I want to go to my home. Not grandma�s house. My home with my cats.� At which point she broke down into full scale howling. Between howls she gasped, �My cats! my cats! I miss them sooo much, mom. They�re lost at Ah-mah�s house and I cant get them back right now. Mom, they miss me too�� It was like being locked into a cruel cauldron of misery and there was no way to assuage her fears or calm her hysterics, though God knows I tried.
I pat her ineffectually on the head and murmured empty condolences about how we�d see the cats soon (neglecting to mention that even though we would see them, we�d still have to leave them behind again-ugh) and how we were going to buy a new house and live in a new home soon. How soon, I couldn�t say because of course, nothing has changed on that front at all.
We are still here with the in-laws, still undecided about what we are exactly going to do about the whole business of selling off our townhouse now that my parents have decided that they can�t assume the mortgage after all. Sell it? Rent it? And upon further reflection, we really don�t have that much choice about it all, since we need the equity in the house to put a down-payment on anything we could afford here. In the meantime, though, after settling her back down again, hiccupping and snivelling her way to sleep, we have decided to pin down an end date to be out of here, come hell or high water.
By April 15, we are planning to be out of this place and into our own place. That way we have spring break to move and organize and settle in a bit and not have to listen to the anguishing heartbreak of hearing the pitiful little voice ask �Is it time to go home yet, mom?�
11:31 p.m. - 2006-02-12