I've been avoiding writing here for a number of reasons, not the least of which I have been so insanely busy that I can;t even keep my own head on, never mind find words that make sense strung together (did that even make any sense??) But at some point I think I just decided that if I didn't start again at some point and just jump right in, I was going to lose this entirely.
So I could just cry that today is Friday at last, it has been one of the roughest weeks of my llife. And that's saying something because I am pretty good at drumming up bad shit. Whoever I pissed off up there, I hope that this week or so has provided you with enough laughs to last the rest of my lifetime and to leave me the fuck alone already, dammit.
Julia had a seizure last Thursday night. I was alone with the kids and both had fallen asleep on the drive home from the new dayhome that we had started THAT MORNING. (I love love love the co-worker who pulled some strings to get my babes in with his kids' old dayhome lady so quick and so easily). OK, so far, no problem. I carry them inside, lay them on the couch, blissfully unaware that my life was about to slide downhill. I emailed some peoplel did some lesson plans, panicked quietly about parent teacher interviews that were coming up. I decided to wake them up after about an hour so that they would be able to sleep through the night and not completely throw off their schedule. I put some dinner on the table, woke Elena and when she saw there was food out, she was good to go. I left her at the kitchen table while I went to wake Julia. Couldnt rouse her. Figuring that she just played herself out with all the new kids in the dayhome and not wanting to leave my "I'll climb on the table for kicks" child alone at the table eating for too long, I carried Julia to the table and sat down. I propped her up, hoping that the act of sitting up would kick start her body into realizing that it was time to wake up but had no response. My heart was beating a little faster and I was trying not to get totally paranoid since, after all, it had been a mere 2.5 months since her last seizure. It couldnt happen again so fast.
I called to her to wake up and she felt hot but not burning and she wasn't sick and had no fever. But when I tried to wake her, she began shaking. Not very intense but almost 5 minutes. I called her name and she could mumble to me but not open her eyes or make her body move. It was like she was sleeping really deeply but trembling. Well this was freaky. Not convulsions freaky but still not great. About a minute in, her arm started moving back and forth. I asked if she was moving her body herself and she didnt answer me. But a few minutes later, she kind of came out of it and was able to wake up but told me that she had wet herself. She has lost bowel control during seizures in the past but usually only during really bad episodes. This trembling business was new to me and since she was able to sit up by herself and eat a bit, I figured she was OK. Not post-ictal (post seizure) anyway. But then she was soo lethargic, just lay on the couch and stared at the TV. When her favourite show was on and she wasn't singing along, I knew it was bad. But I was still by myself and I had no way of getting ahold of Dwayne at work. I ran to MSN and poured out my worries to DrAfrica. She reassured me and I felt better. Julia started to come around and she was soon up and singing and dancing her heart out. I felt OK.
And then Friday happened.
6:16 p.m. - 2006-03-17